As summer begins here, the semester has ended for me, and with it a distracting dose of contentment. So much seems abundant right now – time, food, lack of deadlines, the warm air and everywhere green leaves, that I have been struggling to keep firmly in front of myself how much more I want to be and do, how much differently I want to live over all. And then I feel like there is so much to do that I have been a little overwhelmed.
I decided well before the semester ended that I wanted to make real progress this summer. Enough simple daydreaming and time to work it out in reality. I even set up my summer schedule so that I would have sufficient time to work on this… I have been thinking about it a great deal, but finding myself strangely unwilling to commit to action. Then last night I had a talk with Darrell, who always inspires me to truly demonstrate all my dreams without holding back. All morning his words threaded around my head, so even though it would be easier to distract myself with a great novel or any number of other things, I am making myself really produce something tonight. It seems strange that this apparently easy aspect – simply making a plan to get a number of interested people into one place to discuss ideas about making a village a common dream and goal – should feel so tough.
One of the important things Darrell helped me clarify was the need for me to put down the principles I find most vital to the village, so I at least will be clear where I stand. I have listed some of them on this blog, but like he said, I need a mission statement, some declaration of what this is all about. So I’m returning to things jotted as notes during moments of high inspiration and trying to read them with new eyes.
I guess part of my lack of confidence is partially from the understanding that this village isn’t just about me. I am concerned about what other people feel and think and want. But I do need to take a stand, because if I know what I offer, then I offer a more solid goal/vision/dream. And people looking for something else know to look elsewhere, and those seeking something similar feel like they have an ally and a place to look. So I am developing the confidence that my ideas are whole enough to constitute a declaration to begin with.
Some kind of constitution of shared ideas can come later, perhaps as an effect of the gathering I’ve been thinking about.