Sunflowervillager's Blog

Growing into community

Struggle to Allow the Vision May 26, 2009

Filed under: redetermination — Saera @ 10:22 pm

As summer begins here, the semester has ended for me, and with it a distracting dose of contentment. So much seems abundant right now – time, food, lack of deadlines, the warm air and everywhere green leaves, that I have been struggling to keep firmly in front of myself how much more I want to be and do, how much differently I want to live over all. And then I feel like there is so much to do that I have been a little overwhelmed.

I decided well before the semester ended that I wanted to make real progress this summer. Enough simple daydreaming and time to work it out in reality. I even set up my summer schedule so that I would have sufficient time to work on this… I have been thinking about it a great deal, but finding myself strangely unwilling to commit to action. Then last night I had a talk with Darrell, who always inspires me to truly demonstrate all my dreams without holding back. All morning his words threaded around my head, so even though it would be easier to distract myself with a great novel or any number of other things, I am making myself really produce something tonight. It seems strange that this apparently easy aspect – simply making a plan to get a number of interested people into one place to discuss ideas about making a village a common dream and goal – should feel so tough.

One of the important things Darrell helped me clarify was the need for me to put down the principles I find most vital to the village, so I at least will be clear where I stand. I have listed some of them on this blog, but like he said, I need a mission statement, some declaration of what this is all about. So I’m returning to things jotted as notes during moments of high inspiration and trying to read them with new eyes.

I guess part of my lack of confidence is partially from the understanding that this village isn’t just about me. I am concerned about what other people feel and think and want. But I do need to take a stand, because if I know what I offer, then I offer a more solid goal/vision/dream. And people looking for something else know to look elsewhere, and those seeking something similar feel like they have an ally and a place to look. So I am developing the confidence that my ideas are whole enough to constitute a declaration to begin with.

Some kind of constitution of shared ideas can come later, perhaps as an effect of the gathering I’ve been thinking about.


2 Responses to “Struggle to Allow the Vision”

  1. Kara Says:

    Hard to make real plans by yourself, isn't it? I've got all sorts of ideas, but I get blocked up by the thought that I desperately need others who want to do community with me. I wonder if you've read this book, and if so, what you think about it:

    I got hold of a used copy somewhere right before I left the country, but I barely had time to glance at it. The parts I did peruse seemed quite insistent on exactly what you're talking about: getting a sort of mission statement whacked out, and putting it on paper.

    You're exactly right about needing to get firm on a few things, even if they aren't universally appealing. The communities I've been to all have different things about them that some people wouldn't tolerate, but it's rediculous to try to pander to everyone's taste, because you end up with something that nobody actually likes very much, which soon becomes something that nobody's actually comitted to. Part of my aim in visiting different communities is to assess every option and figure out what I like and what I think doesn't work, because I suspect that there are others like me out there who want to be in community but aren't yet because they haven't found one that fits very well.

    I hope you push through the discouragement, keep thinking and writing and talking, and keep in touch.

  2. Saera Says:

    Your consistent replies are ever encouraging. I can’t thank you enough.

    I haven’t seen this book before, but thanks for pointing it out. I’ll keep my eye out for a cheaper copy. It feels good to be getting more concrete, and I definitely need to do more of it, starting with this blog. I’m glad I know someone whose opinion I respect so highly is out seeing all these places.

    People ask me sometimes why I want to start a community, and why don’t I just join one of those that already exist. Part of it is that I haven’t encountered any where the concept fully satisfies me. Another is that so many of them seem limited to the idea of just one. I think it’s important to empower more and more people to live this way, and that too I want built into any community I am part of… I haven’t quite found the term for that particular longing yet, but it is ever present.

    Thank you especially for the encouragement to keep writing and talking. Sometimes I feel like all I’m doing is spouting fantasies, and I need to feel like it’s more meaningful and world-changing than some daydream. I am trying to deeply appreciate that the simple act of posting in this blog *is* a beginning to create all the changes and connections. Thank you thank you thank you.

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