Sunflowervillager's Blog

Growing into community

Metamorphisis. September 28, 2009

Filed under: Buddhism,school,SGI,social investment — Saera @ 12:00 am

I have a lot that I’ve been wanting to write about. Only a little I think tonight, I still have Quantitative Geography to work on.

I am shifting. I remain irrevocably committed to the intentions of this blog, my mission towards a series of village intentional communities. But I have been opening myself up to more possibilities. I realized recently, with some shock, that I have become a bit more conservative than I mean to be… not in terms of ideals or ideology…, but in terms of what I am willing to risk, try, do, give up, sacrifice. I’m not sure where all that started. I think that matters a bit… I could learn a few things by figuring out when that became a bigger trend and not just a minor thing with some things. I have noticed it because this summer, in trying to work toward a community of people with the shared goal of physical actualization of the village, I came to understand that I am too unilateral in this. Before anyone nay-says this, I am not bashing myself. I am looking and seeing where I can improve, how to move forward. And what I see is that there *are* other people in this movement, doing similar things. Even if I do not want to do things just as they do or see things differently, I can learn a great deal, and I can become part of the network of intentional communalists. These realizations also led me to a desire to be broader in my academic scope. Buddhism teaches me that I don’t have to limit myself. I am beginning to observe and live that teaching instead of just listening to it. So suddenly I am not just shifting how I think about the Sunflower Village Initiative, I am redefining what I think is possible for my life. This past week, I’ve frequently felt overwhelmed… I realized that I’m having a bit of an identity crisis. It’s a ultimately a good thing, it’s self induced, and I’m glad I’m having it. That doesn’t keep it from being kind of stressful and chaotic and me wanting lots of space, particularly for writing. Last week I really didn’t feel like I had timespace for writing. I think I’m going to have more of it this week. Suddenly I am incorporating all my desires and dreams, looking again to see how they work together, support each other, fuse together into this phenomena called my life.

I am very grateful to my friends right now. I appreciate your unwavering support and unconditional love. Thank you.

p.s. It’s *actually* fall in New England now, and it’s gorgeous


One Response to “Metamorphisis.”

  1. NotesfromaBashful_Radical Says:

    i think this is a wonderful realisation/catalyst for further realisations. expanding your life to pursue those things that you value, though ostensibly selfish, is actually one of the most important things you can do for the world (notably in your case, because you are so committed to waging peace. i just wrote about this too–the uses of writing and/or selfishness, or what can be perceived as selfish. but that's buddhism at its heart right? that we take those desires/aspects and utilize them for the world and humanity. 🙂 glad to read something from you lady!

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