Sunflowervillager's Blog

Growing into community

Standby for Determination Boost. October 12, 2009

Filed under: redetermination — Saera @ 9:54 pm

I am thinking a lot about myself and who I am really, in terms of being an activist, a social theorist, a radical, a scholar/student, a wage-slave, an unwilling but necessary participator in a society with plastic expectations. I find myself failing to meet expectations, not because they aren’t something that can’t happen, but because I am more scared than I realize. I loose focus and question myself and feel overwhelmed by all the factors.

Now, before you leap up to defend me, please understand I am not trying to be hard on myself. I recognize that I do that a lot, but right now I am just trying to be honest with myself about where I’m at. It’s a process I am going through and it probably has a few more phases. But being defensive by enumerating what I’m doing or how difficult it is doesn’t get me anywhere. Believe me, I know it. But if this is ever going to happen, I must continue to grow and expand on what I am doing.

Ultimately, this is a declaration: I will be stronger. That strength will be based on meaningful, significant action.

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